Random Howlings on Pacquiao, CSI Miami, Marquez, Celebrity Rehab, Mayweather and much More!

Random Howlings on Pacquiao, CSI Miami, Marquez, Celebrity Rehab, Mayweather and much More!

By Coyote Duran, DoghouseBoxing.com (Mar 5, 2009)

Where have you been?! Oh, wait…it’s ‘Random Howlings’ so I guess the question is “Where have I been?!” Look, we have no time for this malarkey and it ain’t about me anyway. What is about me, or you, or anyone who knows how to read or breathe is near-senseless, Coyote-style hooey that just feels good.

You know, when you’re at the end of a long day of reading serious boxing journalism and you just wanna unwind with some good, old-fashioned drivel. That’s where I come in, drivel experts.

And this edition of ‘Howlings’ is full of it: ‘Celebreality’, World Lightweight Champion Juan Manuel Marquez, a woman who might finally have people going in instead of out, a Glen Johnson love-fest, ‘CSI: Miami’ (f**king AGAIN?!) and the 911 on the nuggets. Hey, it’s not like I’m pulling a gun on ya…

Sometimes a human's greatest obsession turns said human into the same thing he or she obsesses about. THE RING World Lightweight Champion Juan Manuel Marquez became that when entering the lightweight division. But in chasing down Manny Pacquiao, Marquez exceeded 'Pac-Man's' accomplishments at 135 in just one fight; his championship win over Joel Casamayor. After defeating Juan Diaz with a blistering uppercut in the ninth round (topping off a disheartening knockdown) of their championship masterpiece Saturday night, Pacquiao's sole win at lightweight has less relative weight. Instead of an incidental title win, Marquez has a bona fide World Championship and definitive wins over the two best lightweights at the time of each fight. All at the age of 35. It's a new installment in a saga where youth isn't necessarily king; but a test of how much one has in the tank. The first chapter was dedicated to Shane Mosley and his fearless stand and victory over Antonio Margarito. But Mosley-Margarito wasn't what set the pace or even example. It was the beginning of a short stretch of reminders (within the first two full months of 2009) that mean all because you're older, it doesn't mean you're done for...

I wanna be on a celebrity reality show. Why not? I've watched it and have come to the conclusion that anyone on 'Celebrity Rehab: Sober House' is no more a celebrity than I am. Mary Carey? Steven Adler? That dude from Crazy Town or whatever the hell it's called? Man, I could fake that kind of drama and I rate somewhere between Towelie from 'South Park' and Charlie Zelenoff. Look, if Dustin Diamond can get back on TV for being broke, I can sure as hell get on for writing stupid s**t and playing harmonica...

And all because you're younger, it doesn't mean you're done for either. At 25 years of age, Juan Diaz has lost only to experience. It can be argued that his own mistakes are to blame but Diaz' only mistake was bravely chasing the elite (Marquez) or near-elite (Nate Campbell) of the lightweight division. If only more fighters were willing to make those same mistakes...

Reality TV is gonna run out of 'celebrities' but it's gonna be delightful to see the Verizon Guy filling those slots alongside the Asian guy from the AT&T U-Verse commercials. Hell, they oughta just get all the phone guys together for the next celebrity reality extravaganza. Sadly, that Chad guy from Alltel doesn't have a prayer. Those four dicks that keep trying to kill him will only form an alliance with Verizon Guy's network and gang-beat Chad in the woods during an immunity challenge. Where is your choose-up-to-20-friends group now, pretty boy?...

But Diaz also has to learn to deal with his psychological aversion to bleeding. His specific downfalls in the Marquez and Campbell fights were direct result of getting cut. Almost a silent panic, really. Diaz can take the pain; no question about it. But KNOWING the cut is there is problem enough for him. When you're as brave a cat as Diaz is, the cut shouldn't matter because it won't be the last. The only way to truly make it his last cut is to make the Marquez fight his last...

American Idol's resident drama queen Nathaniel Marshall is he bastard child of John Waite and Jason Hervey. I'm convinced of it. OK, that's all...

Now Marquez is full of piss and vinegar (and, really, it's fair to ask, when hasn't he been?) and calling out Pacquiao and the still-retired Floyd Mayweather Jr. A third fight against Pacquiao seems more of a reality now when the thought of Pacquiao returning to lightweight was on some fans' lips. Since, Pacquiao has vacated the WBC title and is facing THE RING World Junior Welterweight Champion Ricky Hatton in his next bout. Is a trip to 140 in the cards for 'Dinamita' and will his concussive power follow him willingly? Will Marquez still gun for Pacquiao should Manchester's favorite son prevail? Unless, Marquez decides to defend against another top 10 lightweight (alphabet mandatory or not) or takes an easy non-title tune-up, 2009 will be the year we find out because, from here, it's Pacquiao's call. Regardless of what Marquez has done at lightweight, Pacquiao's the bigger draw and nothing to offer, save for pound-for-pound status... Hmm... That might be enough...

OK, maybe that's not ALL of it. When Nathaniel's grandmother was asked if she liked her grandson's performance, Grandma said, "I'm used to his music. He was good." In the bored, defeated way she delivered it, she was THIS close to moaning, "If only Nathaniel was a boy."...

But Mayweather? At this point, 'Money May' has been away for, maybe, too long. Unless he's hurting for cash, he won't -not might not- just plain won't come back to face either Marquez or Mosley. Too much risk...for the younger guy...

But Granny has her own attention whore to deal with. The rest of America has 'Octomom' Nadya Suleman. It's almost irresistible to consider the possibility of Suleman getting her own reality show somewhere down the line for revenue alone. But all is not lost for the only woman more fertile than Mother Nature. Vivid Video has offered her up to $1,000,000 for one explicit film. Vivid has also upped the ante with free medical and dental for a contract deal. Right now, the state of California is broker than Dustin Diamond. Whatcha wanna bet they’re just PRAYING she takes the deal?...

In winning on Saturday night, Marquez won a so-called 'super championship' from the WBA and the WBO title. Marco Antonio Barrera is the WBO's number one contender at lightweight but has young Brit Amir Khan to deal with on the March 7. Barrera, now promoted by Don King, has the inside shot at Marquez' championship; probably regardless of win or loss against Khan, because that's how King rolls, man. From the gut, Khan's got no chance against the 'Baby-Faced Assassin' if he leaves himself open as he did against Breidis Prescott. And Khan's problem is that he's ALWAYS open. One more boldfaced beatdown and Khan will be doing time on Audley Harrison's undercards. But Marquez-Barrera 2 wouldn't be so bad. By all reason, their only fight happened at a time when they should've been on their second fight. Now both men are going through personal rejuvenations with their career choices and if Don King and the WBO mandate Marquez-Barrera 2, Marquez' promoter Golden Boy Promotions might just jump through hoops to get a kind of 'revenge' on their departed former executive...

On the flipside, there’s always that chance Nadya Suleman turns down the whole ‘sex-for-pay’ opportunity and takes a chance that her delusional self-comparison to Angelina Jolie nets her basic cable stardom. I can see the pitch to the TLC network: ‘Homeless at 14…Kids!’…

The magic Don King conjures works, Howlers. He may be under the radar compared to Golden Boy and Top Rank but King's power bubbles underneath the promotional surface. Not so much a top heavyweight, John Ruiz is one of King's top heavyweights and it shows when, as the number three WBA contender, Ruiz has mysteriously become the mandatory challenger to the winner of the upcoming Nicolay Valuev-Ruslan Chagaev rematch. I can't determine who the WBA's 'real' titlist is going into this fight. Valuev is the heavyweight titlist (I think) and the fragile Chagaev is the organization's 'champion-in-recess. Alphabet politics at work or just a lack of heavyweights? Well, the REAL number one heavyweight, according to the WBA, is Kali Meehan. The number two? Taras Bidenko. Ruiz is listed as number three. Other heavies of note, Alexander Dimitrenko, David Haye and Chris Arreola aren't even under consideration; though being ranked in the WBA's top ten. I think the answer is alphabet politics with a little bit of King-ly christening...

So, I have to say, Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs ain’t too bad at his gig as soon-to-be-former defense attorney Derek Powell on ‘CSI: Miami.’ It seems no matter how defiant ‘Diddy’s’ character is, especially when in situations with Miami-Dade’s Finest, a noble streak emerges and Derek Powell finds a way to help our favorite One-Hour Crime Solvers get their man. And his acting chops aren’t too bad. I’m not saying the guy’s Emmy material but he gets the job done; especially with he’s mouthing off to Rex Linn’s Detective Frank Tripp (“Kojak!”)…

Curiously, one division lower, THE RING World Cruiserweight Champion Tomasz Adamek is making the 200-pound class what the heavyweight division should be. Mind you, beating Johnathon Banks isn't how Adamek's doing it, but the manner of how he did it. Brutal and authoritative, Adamek brings seriousness and respect to the World Championship and there's surprisingly enough depth in the cruiser ranks to engage him. If THE RING'S top three contenders, former IBF titlists Steve Cunningham and Krzysztof Wlodarczyk and WBA titlist Guillermo Jones aren't enough, former World Middleweight and Light Heavyweight Champion Bernard Hopkins is casting his hat in the ring. When was the last time you heard of elite fighters from classes south of cruiser clamoring to migrate and engage any top cruiser? Hopkins isn't looking for the beatable cruiser like Roy Jones Jr. did when Jones hunted down John Ruiz at heavyweight six years ago. And Adamek isn't the virtual unknown he was pre-2005. He, like Juan Manuel Marquez, defines his division as well as those who battle it out for contention. Combined with no longer having the ability to make weight, success at cruiserweight is what David Haye bargains with at heavy because he made his impact work for him at 200 pounds. Face it, Howlers, cruiserweight is the new heavyweight...

Oh, but romance is indeed in the air in Miami-Dade. After being released from the INS for suspicion of serving as a crime scene investigator while illegally residing in the U.S. (Dude, I didn’t get it either; even after I watched the episode three times. It was suspected that Delko’s biological father was a Russian-born mobster but wound up being a former CIA operative who was born in New Mexico. See? Even I can’t always approve…), CSI Eric Delko finally got his kiss from ‘Bullet Girl’ Calleigh Dusquene. But my impression is that the kiss wasn’t exactly their first from Calleigh’s reception of Eric. No one stays happy in Miami, however, and after Derek Powell’s fiancée was murdered, he asked David Caruso’s Horatio Caine if he ever got over losing his wife, Marisol. Caine told him you never get over it. I guess I’m saying we shouldn’t get used to Delko and Calleigh’s happiness… Sigh…

With each mention of THE RING in this edition of 'Random Howlings' (about 200 of them, give or take), I'm harshly reminded (by no one else but me) of the RING shirts almost everyone associated with Golden Boy Promotions wears; many emblazoned with the image of Oscar De La Hoya. And with that, I challenge THE RING to create shirts of other past and present fighters; regardless of promotion. The Sugar Ray Robinson tee kicked ass and that's what validates the idea of having fighters on THE RING shirts...

Speaking of Florida, Latreasa L. Goodman of Fort Pierce recently called 911 three times because she paid for a 10-piece order of Chicken McNuggets at a local McDonalds before discovering the restaurant was all out. Apparently, the cashier on duty offered Goodman a larger meal for the same price as a replacement but the Nugnut got a little carried away and opened a can o’drama. Although the local fuzz took her out with gas and rubber bullets (Not really. She just got cited. But that would’ve been neat, huh?), you have to admire this girl’s moxie. Some people are adamant that they not know what unsavory things fall into their food during preparation. Others, like Goodman, insist on paying for the privilege…

When it comes to the old guys coming out ahead, few speak of the triumph of age like former World Light Heavyweight Champion Glen Johnson. In taking on Daniel Judah in a six-years-later rematch, the idea of the stay-busy fight for the 40 year-old took on new meaning because Johnson's pursuit of a win was 'the young man's pursuit of a championship' badge of honor he so looks good in. And that's a wardrobe choice that warrants rewards. I'd love to see Johnson get another crack at Bernard Hopkins or WBC titlist Chad Dawson. Both Hopkins and Dawson are reasonable considerations, if for nothing else, for the consequences of their last meetings. It should go without saying that if Evander Holyfield or even Zab Judah can keep earning new shots at glory, then so can 'The Road Warrior.'

And finally, in a miserable stab at self-promotion, if you get a chance, please take a gander at my new painting of Manny Pacquiao. It’s the first step in, hopefully, several new and fun paintings I’m hoping to do very soon. I’d also be more than happy to oblige a commission or several so pop in on my My Space or Facebook profile or any of the several hundred (seemingly) forums I’ve shamelessly whored myself within. I dig comments and critiques so don’t be afraid to speak your mind! And if you need an artist for hire, hit me up (Shameless!)!

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